New Jersey Jesus

June 3, 2016

Let's preface this story by saying that finding a white guy in my area with long hair and a short beard that looks like Jesus is not exactly a difficult task.  That being said, this guy looked a lot like Jesus, like, on the nose.  One thing about the beach, is that Birkenstocks work fabulously as far as sandals go.  Sturdy mofos.


So the Jesus nickname stuck.  Don’t come to New Jersey standing out if you can’t handle the nickname you get.  This guy embraced it.  I think it’s an easy call when you look as close as this guy did.  So he hung around a while, and I was secretly on the lookout for miracles every time he was around. 


The last time I saw NJJ was Halloween.  Weird right?  He had shaved his beard.  He told me his costume was “teenaged Jesus” and he was dressed like a member of Blink 182.  Pretty solid costume in 2005 while not technically being a costume (am I right?).  So I asked him how he felt about Halloween as a holiday. 


He said, “I know what you’re referring to and I am aware of its roots in this holiday.  It doesn’t anger me because  American society has commercially watered down the holiday so that kids can dress up and pretend to be whatever they want to be for one night. “


I said to him, “but what about how slutty all the girls are getting every year?”


He said, “That is why I go as teenaged Jesus.”


That was the only time I heard that guy make a joke.  He was normally pretty quiet, and would only talk to you if you talked to him.  Anyway, it was the last time I saw New Jersey Jesus.  That joke made me laugh, but it also furthered my doubts about him being some incarnation of the Real Deal Holyfield.  That night, I got the miracle.







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